Where The Heck Am I Going? Sunday, February 11, 2007

Mrs. Giggles had a blog post that created a little doubt in my feeble brain. (Not the X Files one. The one below it on Febuary 11th on sex in Erotic Romances). As some of you know, I write erotic romance under a pen name. Her comments about sex scenes got me thinking.

That's not always a good thing.

At the beginning of the year, I made some decisions. I marched in the direction of my dreams and now I'm wondering if I know what I'm doing.
I decided that I was going to go for quality, not quantity of published work.
I decided that I was aiming for an agent, then a print publisher that was RWA approved.
I decided that I wanted to have a career that was based in romantic suspense.

I'm having a crisis of faith at the moment. Do I know what direction my talent will really take me? Do I have enough talent to sustain a long term career? It feels a little different than the usual "Isuckitis" that afflicts me on occasion. It's more doubt, than "I suck".

I'd rather look at my work and say "I suck" than "meh". It's all unreasonable fear that keeps me stuck and drives my word count into the ground.

What's the solution?

Keep writing. There is no magic bullet for what is saleable or what the "right" decisions may be. Building a career isn't about skyrocketing to fame. It's BUILDING a career, block by block, release by release, word by word.

Tools that help keep me going. Critique partners, writing forums, workshops and all the other things that keep me at it are all at hand and using them require my willingness to admit I can't do it all the time.

Tell me I'm not alone. *crickets singing*. Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?